During this late-night/early-morning thought chain, I thought about my time efficiency and realized how counterintuitive my life can be.
Preface: I am not trying to claim that I am the first one to come to this realization. There are probably millions of others who came to this conclusion before me, but I just happen to be a late arriver.
As counter-intuitive as it sounds, whenever I tweak out and try to cram my way through, I get an explosion of energy that keeps me focused. It's that desperation to get the task done efficiently that makes me want to do it right the first time. Sometimes, there are pros to doing the paper last minute.
During times of desperation, I become removed from the world. I might just walk around the dining hall with flip-flops in the middle of winter with a t-shirt and rolled-up khakis. I might stare, but it's comfortable. But with any other given moment, I would never do that. And honestly, I want that wacky Tim that doesn't care to slowly seep into everyday life.
I tend to underestimate how hard the work is, and 50% of the time, I make an accurate assumption. The other 50% of the time, I just push through. Do I learn from it? No. Are the odds worth it? Yes.
I realized that being comfortable is my enemy. No, I'm not asking to be traumatized, but sometimes a change in scenery or idea is needed. I realized that when I branch out, I can quickly become comfortable and "settle." That is well reflected in my clothes. I branched out to a new brand 5 years ago, and now I have a carbon clone of sweaters, pants, and t-shirts and have never thought of switching ever since.
It's a goal I want to break into this year, and I think this could apply to anything. Whether it is a new niche research project or even a questionable decision, I think jumping into the deep end head first is what I need to grow, but also continuing to push forward and not quickly settle.
I have to admit, my life is pretty much dictated by my maze of meetings and side projects. I maybe watch a movie once a month if I'm lucky and maybe binge my favorite show for a bit and then get distracted by a different project. I never seem to be grounded on taking a break, one where I just sit back and unwind. Whether it's a Slack message, an email, or just a random idea, I have never spent a whole week unwinding and feeling super refreshed. With the summer approaching soon, I hope that gives me the perfect amount of time to try and take an actual break for the first time.
Overall, this tangent of incoherent thoughts has been something that has lingered in my mind for quite some time, but also a good leaping point for me to figure out what my priorities are. With the summer approaching, I will have an ample amount of time to work on stuff I care about. For now, it's time to brush my teeth and rinse and repeat.